LETTER TO A HUSBAND – By Ron McGatlin
God is so good to give us this opportunity to communicate these deeper realities in the Lord. God is doing a wonderful work in you, much as he has done in me over the years of seeking and then walking with Him.
As you know a husband is to be as Jesus is to His bride. Jesus is savior to his wayward potential bride. Jesus’ covenant begins with laying down His life becoming the blood sacrifice for her. The cross included painful beatings and death all for His Bride or wife to be. It was not for His own sin or shortcomings. It was for His wife’s sin and need. He even died for those that were beating Him.
By love Jesus endured the cross to produce a purified holy bride or wife redeemed from a fruitless difficult life into the glory of a fruitful life of righteousness, peace and joy on earth now and forever.
He did not develop love for her after she began to do things right or better. He loved her completely and gave himself for her while she was a sinner doing wrong and certainly was not even trying to do her part as a bride or wife.
Jesus did not speak correction to her. Oh, he did speak correction to the religious leaders who set up rules and laws for the people to follow and rejected Him and His love even though He loved them.
He spoke words of love to the Bride and encouragement and gave loving advice on occasion. Jesus was and is the perfect husband. Our part as husbands is to be as Jesus and love our wives as Jesus loved His Bride. Ephesians 5:25.
Only one major problem here. NO MAN CAN FULFILL THIS REQUIREMENT TO BE PERFECT LOVE TO OUR WIFE ON HIS OWN. Only one person can and will do this. Only God in Christ Jesus can do this from within us. Only God in us can truly do our part in loving our wives.
Therefore, our first part is to go to Father God in Christ Jesus and become one with Him. This is our part of laying down our lives to literally become His life, the life of Christ Jesus in us by the Spirit of God IN LOVE with God. As we are crucified with Him and His resurrected life actually lives in us, we can fulfill our part of a marriage to our natural wife on earth to love our wives as Christ loves His Bride. No man can have this love for His wife without first being a bride or wife in total love with God in Christ Jesus. This is Spirit reality for a “perfected” or mature husband and subsequently the husband to a maturing wife and a father to beautiful godly children.
The reality is that almost any woman who is exposed to a man bearing this real love for her will gladly come into order with God and truly seek to fulfill her part as a faithful wife with great respect for her husband. It is very hard for any wife to continue in disrespect or disorder to this mature God-filled husband; and it will cost her dearly to continue to do so. However, if her husband tries to change her by reasoning or pointing out her lack in any area, or in suggesting she fulfill her role as wife, it is extremely difficult for her to become a true and faithful wife. She will suffer greatly and there will be no peace.
The way to have a new wife whether in a new person or the same wife is to FIRST fulfill our part as husband. The way to never have a wife is to try to be a husband to them with anything other than the unconditional life giving, soul changing love of God in you for them.
The disorder in a marriage is simply a replica or picture of the disorder in our love relationship with God.
We surely have not been trained in this. Most, if not all of us, did not grow up this way. And our marriages have shown it. We cannot patch up or simply repair the disorder in marriage relationships and hold on to our old life and our past beliefs and ways of trying to make things work. It does take a new foundation, a whole new wine skin for the whole new life of becoming one with God in love with Him and bringing His love to our wives first and then our children.
Without that love covenant with God that cost us our lives, we will only have affection for those who do something for us, those who give us something we want or need to feel good. In other words, it is only you scratch my back and I will scratch yours.
Natural romantic love affairs are very powerful for a season. Even natural animals have great affection for a mate for a short season. Man without God and even Christians that are not truly in love with God can never have a truly godly marriage. Only after we fall in love with God and become one with Him is there a firm foundation for marriage to a wife. If the foundation is not right the house will not stand. That is why in many cases a new foundation based and a new covenant may be the only way.
You know even God made two major covenants with man. Once when man did not have it right and then the new covenant when Christ Jesus, God’s son of man, made it right again with man.
“But doesn’t she have a part?”
Not at all, until we have taken care of our part, at least as far as we are concerned. Like it is with Jesus and us, love came first from Him not us His Bride. The bride or wife has a part to respond to God’s love flowing through her husband.
Yes, in the situation where there is a wife in love with God there may be things God will have her do and be. However, that is her part and we are not talking to her here.
The husband, as Jesus, is the first part and the part that must be in place before there can be a godly marriage. The husband has nothing to do or say about the wife’s part until His part is in order, God’s order.
Let me know if you have questions or whatever.
Much love and blessings,
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